His Feelings, Her Hesitation
by Erich Zann III
Summary: Ganta loves Shiro more than anyone.  Shiro feels the same. But her dark and evil past still haunts her. GantaxShiro.  Rated M for a reason.  Terrible summary.  Please read instead.


Chapter One

"Shiro-chan… I love you…" Ganta had said. There was no taking it back, now, even if he had wanted to. It was true he was nervous, scared even. Scared that Shiro didn't feel the same way about him. She acted like she did… Or so he thought. But Shiro was so childish that her behavior didn't necessarily mean much. For the longest time, Shiro said nothing to Ganta. She just stared at him, stared deeply into his eyes, held his hands with hers. For the first time ever she didn't _know_ what to say. She was deeply confused by this confession. Of course she loved him in return. She had ever since they were children… Even if he was a weakling. But… Did she deserve to be loved by him?

She had caused the earthquake that destroyed ¾ of Tokyo. She had turned into the Wretched Egg and killed all of Ganta's beloved friends. She remembered that day all too well. She saw Ganta-kun inside, and she couldn't stop the Wretched Egg from killing, but she made sure that only Ganta survived. Was that selfish of her? Was it okay for her to decide who lived and who died? She learned about God from some tutor of hers. Supposedly only God was allowed to decide who lived and who died, and any human who tried to do that was a murderer… But then, was she really human? She hardly considered herself one. She was a monster. The scars covering her flesh were proof enough that she no longer had the right to consider herself human.

By now, ten minutes had gone by. Shiro was in tears, and Ganta was wondering if he had said something wrong. Had it been wrong to admit how he felt about Shiro? How could it possibly be wrong when he loved her so much?

"It's alright, Shiro-chan… I understand…" Ganta said miserably. Suddenly, Shiro stopped him and grabbed him tightly by the shoulders, squeezing far too tightly for it to be comfortable.

"NO! Ganta-kun _doesn't_ understand! But… But Ganta-kun isn't _supposed_ to love Shiro! He's supposed to hate her! Shiro killed Ganta's friends! It was her fault that he was put in time out for so long! He got hurt and almost killed because of her! Monsters can't _be_ loved! Humans are supposed to hate monsters, and Shiro is an ugly, scary monster! So Ganta-kun has to hate her!"

"W-wha? Shiro-chan! Why would you say something like that! I don't ever want to hear you say that about yourself again! Do you understand me! You're _not_ a monster! You're the perfect, beautiful, amazing woman that I love! And I'll _kill_ anyone who tries to say you are a monster!"

"W-why is Ganta-kun so nice to Shiro? Shiro can prove she's a monster." She said, pulling her arm out of the blue cotton dress she was wearing, which, coincidentally, Minatsuki had helped her choose. She had declared that with Shiro's fair complexion and hair color, she needed colors to offset it properly. Shiro had asked that she make the dress long sleeved, and give her something to cover her legs so that she could hide her scars… Although it all seemed pretty pointless, now, that she was stripping for Ganta at a moment's notice. She pulled her arm out of the sleeve, and showed Ganta the scars that went up and down her arm. They weren't only on her arm, though. Her legs, her neck, her stomach… All those places that could be cut open without immediately risking her life were hacked open time after time for the sake of science.

"Shiro-chan… Scars aren't what make someone a monster. A monster is someone who has no conscience… Someone who's insane, who enjoys hurting and killing people. I know that you're not like that. You're a good person who's had terrible things done to you." Ganta said softly, pulling Shiro close to him and holding their foreheads together with one hand, and resting his other hand on her shoulder.

"But… Shiro-chan killed all of Ganta-kun's friends…" Shiro said, shivering, not from the cold, but from remembering all that had happened, and how horrified she had been to know that it was she who was doing it.

"No! It wasn't you. That was someone else who stole your body! That person wasn't you and it won't ever be you." Ganta said resolutely. Hearing this, Shiro smiled sadly and leaned in to kiss Ganta. He pulled away suddenly, though.

"W-what are you doing!" Ganta asked, shocked at her sudden affection.

"Ganta-kun going to fuck Shiro, now, right? But we have to kiss and touch each other all over first. Then Ganta-kun has to smack Shiro's ass and make her his bitch." Shiro asked innocently, smiling as though it were the most normal thing in the world.

"W-what! Where did you even _learn_ a word like that!" Ganta asked.

"Minatsuki-chan. She said that all boys wanted was to fuck their girlfriend. She said that Shiro was supposed to start out by pulling Ganta-kun's pants down and putting his cock in Shiro's mouth and making her deepthroat Ganta-kun until he came in her mouth, and swallow all of it, while Ganta-kun called Shiro dirty names like 'slut' 'bitch' and 'whore'. Then Ganta-kun would slam his dick in Shiro's cunt over and over and she was supposed to scream 'oh, my pussy! My pussy! Ganta-kun's dick feels so good!' Then when he was done with that he would ass fuck Shiro until her shit turned white from all the cum that Ganta-kun dumped in her ass. And after that, we'd keep going until Ganta-kun had turned Shiro into a sex addicted cum dumpster." Shiro rambled. Ganta was staring open mouthed at Shiro. He couldn't believe the filth that was spewing from her mouth. He had known now for a long time that Minatsuki wasn't exactly the cleanest minded girl… But she obviously had a bit of a low opinion of him.

"What does all that mean, Ganta-kun? Is it a type of game that we're supposed to play? Where is Ganta-kun going!"

"I need to make a phone call… I'll be right back…" Ganta said, glad that he wasn't facing Shiro, as he was blushing pretty heavily. He grabbed the house phone, and stormed into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. He started dialing Takami's number, and waited for an answer.

"Hello? Yoh Takami… How can I help you?"

"Yoh?" Ganta asked, surprised.

"Oh, Ganta-kun. I didn't expect you to call. After Minatsuki-chan said she helped Shiro-san get dressed up for your date, I thought I wouldn't hear from you at least until tomorrow."

"Could I please talk to Minatsuki-san for a moment?" Ganta asked, trying to keep his voice level.

"Of course. You probably want to thank her yourself for the cute outfit she picked out for Shiro-san. It is quite adorable, isn't it? MINATSUKI-CHAN! Ganta-kun is on the phone!"

"Yeah? Whaddaya want! I was just about to take my bath! This better be fucking good, or I'll rip your dick off and shove it up your fucking ass!"

"Yeah… About that. I'm sure you _probably_ meant well, but why did you have to tell Shiro-chan that I'd want to 'turn her into a 'sex addicted cum dumptster'?"

"It's true, isn't it? Don't try to deny it. It's what all guys want. Men are filthy pigs. There's no use adding insult to injury by lying about it." Minatsuki said sweetly.

"Well… I admit that's probably true in 75% of cases," Ganta said, trying to be diplomatic, "but I'm pretty sure that you might as well have been explaining astrophysics to her for all that she understood of it…" Ganta whispered urgently.

"W-what do you mean? Did Shiro-chan not believe me?"

"No… She believes you, but I don't think she understood a word you said. She just asked me if it was a _game_ that we were supposed to play…"

"So? Seems like she understood it pretty well to me. All of life is a game, Ganta-kun. Sex and domination are no different. One of you has to be dominant and one of you has to be the other's bitch. If you'd rather be the bitch, then by all means, go for it. You don't seem the type, though…"

"That's totally not true! Equal! We could be equal!"

"Pfft! Yeah, what fucking fantasy world are you living in! In a relationship, whether between men, women, or men and women, there's always a stronger person and a weaker person. The weaker person has no right to complain if they're forced into submission. Weak people deserve to be taught their place in society. Don't you get it, Ganta-kun?"

Ganta sighed and shook his head. "Sorry I wasted your time, Minatsuki-san. I suppose I'll never understand the way you think."

"That's right! You won't! Because I chose to be strong, and you chose to be weak! And the weak can never understand how the strong always get what they want, and they don't deserve to know." Minatsuki said pridefully. Even through the phone, Ganta could hear her smirk.

"Well, bye then. I suppose…"

"Shut up and hang up! And I fucking swear, if you make Shiro-chan cry, I'll rip your cock and balls off and nail em to yer fucking forehead!" Minatsuki snapped, slamming the phone down.

Ganta couldn't help but sigh at this. Minatsuki was such a psycho… Of course. The first time he had met her, he had thought that she was sweet, and even beautiful, and her love of flowers was cute. He couldn't see at the time how someone as gentle and innocent as her could have been in a death match and won enough times to still have a significant portion of her body. It wasn't until the next day when he tried to escape with her that he found out just how wrong he was. They were called off to their match, and he found out that she was a sadistic psychopath who hated just about everyone. Fortunately, he managed to beat her by bouncing his blood bullets and then using the distraction to concuss her when he head butted her. It was a cheap way to win. Ironically, though, even after he found out that she would have been more than happy to kill him, he used his contact with the escapee group in order to save her. In the end, they only cut her hair off… Which greatly angered the mad scientist lady.

"Was Ganta-kun talking to Minatsuki-chan? Is she Ganta-kun's…?" She stuck her pinky up and waggled it. Ganta gasped and blushed.

"W-wha! No way! I told you! I love you!"

"Minatsuki-chan says boys say that, but they're really fucking more than one bitch at a time…"

Ganta groaned. What _else_ had Takami told Shiro? Was this woman just subconsciously nasty, or was she intentionally trying to cause trouble for him? Did she just hate him?

"If that's really what you believe, Shiro-chan, I suppose I can't change your mind…" Ganta said in abject resignation. He gave up. He just gave up.

"Shiro will believe Ganta-kun if he looks her in the eye and says he loves only her… Shiro knows Ganta-kun would never lie to Shiro's face." Shiro said, blushing and turning away. With her extremely fair complexion, the blush was more prevalent… It was way too cute. Ganta took Shiro's hands in his, and nodded. "I do love only you. I've always loved only you…" Ganta said. And it was true. Even back when he was a normal fourteen year old, he didn't have any special feelings for anyone… But there was a nagging feeling always in the back of his mind that there was someone who was special to him out there… Someone who was just beyond his recollection, like the name on the tip of his tongue, forever just out of reach, or the scent that he could smell but not identify. So up until that day, he had never really had anyone special in his heart but Shiro. What was that smell on Shiro? That subtle scent that constantly seemed to follow her. He had already identified part of it a long time ago, a year, in fact. It was partially blood. All Branch of Sin users had that smell on them to some degree by virtue of their "talents". However, the other two… They were gentler smells, and harder to distinguish… A rainstorm? More like the grass after the rain… Was that it? Yeah. That was it. It was a smell he had come to associate with love, with happiness. His time in Deadman's Wonderland had been such a horrifying experience that happiness had sort of gone out the window, even after he got out and was acquitted. Slowly, his life was returning to normal, and he was learning how to live with having his Branch of Sin.

"Do you like me, Shiro-chan?" Ganta asked directly. Shiro stared at Ganta for a moment, turning slightly pink but saying nothing.

"I-I mean… I understand if y-you don't… N-never…"

Shiro cut Ganta off by kissing him on the lips. "Shiro-chan always loved Ganta-kun… She'll always love Ganta-kun. He's the first friend she ever had, and the last person she'd ever want to hurt…" Shiro said gently, stroking Ganta's cheek. Ganta sighed as she touched his face. Her warm hand felt good on him.

"Thank you, Shiro-chan…" Ganta said, embracing Shiro and kissing her in return.

"Does Ganta-kun want to have sex with Shiro?" Shiro asked bluntly. Again, Ganta turned red at this suggestion.

"Did Minatsuki-san talk about _this_ too?" He asked helplessly. Much to his relief, though, Shiro shook her head.

"Shiro read a book that said that girlfriends were supposed to have sex with their boyfriend to show them how much they loved them. Shiro is Ganta-kun's girlfriend, right?"

"W-wha… O-only if you want to be…"

"Well then that means Shiro is supposed to prove that she loves Ganta-kun by having sex with him."

"It doesn't mean anything like that! Shiro-chan! Just because we're dating doesn't mean you have to have sex with me! It's supposed to be something special shared between two people who love each other, and neither person should _ever_ feel like they're obligated to do it!"

"Does Ganta-kun not want to have sex with Shiro?" Shiro asked curiously, although she looked a little bit shy at the moment as well. It was overwhelmingly cute.

"Well…" The truth was that he did. Minatsuki was right to a degree. All men his age thought about sex. But that didn't mean that he was going to force Shiro to do something she didn't want to do.

"I do _want_ to… But I also don't want to rush you into something you're not ready for…"

"Then Shiro wants to have sex with Ganta-kun, because Shiro wants to make Ganta-kun happy…" This was true for Shiro to a point, although in truth, she also wanted to have sex for herself. She had been a science experiment all her life, and now that she was free and was able to be with her beloved Ganta-kun, she wanted to do everything with him. To her, the order in which they did it didn't really matter.

"Promise me, Shiro-chan that you're not just doing this for my sake…" Ganta said seriously. Shiro smiled, and nodded. "Shiro promises. She wants to have sex, too…"

With that, Ganta kissed Shiro again. The kiss was more passionate this time, though. Ganta's hands moved up Shiro's sides and gently caressed her back and abdomen. Shiro sighed and whispered Ganta's name. They were so close that he could feel her breath on the side of his face. Ganta knew what he was doing to some point, as he had seen enough hentai and porn before he went into Deadman's Wonderland to have a basic idea of what to do leading up to sex. Slowly, he began lifting Shiro's dress off of her. Feeling what he was doing, though, Shiro stopped him.

"D-does Shiro have to take her clothes off?" She asked self consciously, blushing and looking away.

"W-well… No, technically not. But it's kind of typical to do so regardless. Is there a reason that you wouldn't?" Ganta asked. Shiro nodded.

"Shiro's scars are super ugly. She doesn't want…" Shiro began. Ganta stopped her with another kiss, though.

"Your scars? Shiro-chan, there's nothing wrong with your scars. They're just part of who you are… And I can assure you that they _aren't_ ugly…"

"R-really? Ganta-kun means that?" Shiro asked, her eyes wide, smiling weakly. Ganta nodded. Shiro smiled again, and this time, took off her own dress slowly, blushing as Ganta looked at her body. It was true that scars went all along the length of it. But there was something entrancing about them, like they were drawing him in, making him want her even more. Ganta reached around and took Shiro's bra off. He then leaned down and slowly rolled his tongue over one of her nipples. Shiro gasped as he did this, and jerked slightly, tightening her embrace with him.

"G-Ganta-kun…" She gasped as he continued to touch and kiss her all over her body. Slowly, he took off his own shirt as well. He also had a few scars on him from his fights in Deadman's Wonderland. However, they were nowhere near as extensive as Shiro's, and he wasn't self conscious about them at all. To him, they didn't mean any more than a piercing or a tattoo would.

He could hear Shiro's breathing rate increasing, and getting heavier. Shiro pulled away for a moment, and smiled.

"Shiro is supposed to pull Ganta-kun's pants down, now and blow him, right?" She asked, still sounding slightly breathless. Ganta couldn't believe she was still taking the stuff that Minatsuki had said seriously.

"No… Y-you don't have to do that…" Ganta said, pulling off Shiro's stockings instead, and her panties and slowly licking her instead. Shiro gasped as his tongue rolled over her private area and flicked her clit.

"Ah! Ganta-kun!" She cried as he did this several times, pushing his tongue in and out until she released on him. Shiro gasped when she felt and saw what she had done.

"Shiro is sorry! She didn't mean to do that! She just felt so good that she accidentally…"

"Shiro-chan… Stop. It's alright. It's just part of what happens when two people do this…" Ganta said, removing his pants as well along with his boxers.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Shiro-chan? You can still back out if you want to…" Ganta said. At this, Shiro giggled.

"Shiro is positive. She wants Ganta-kun to make love to her…" She said, smiling happily. In the next moment, Shiro felt a sharp, blinding pain as Ganta pushed into her and broke her barrier. She had known that it was going to hurt a bit. Minatsuki had told her as much. But she didn't think it would hurt this much.

"Are you alright, Shiro-chan?" Ganta asked, kissing Shiro on the lips again, gently, though, this time. Shiro nodded, encouraging him to go on. He nodded once and slowly began thrusting in and out of her. At first, it hurt really badly, but then, slowly, it dulled to an uncomfortable tingling which turned into something amazingly wonderful. Shiro released a strangled cry as Ganta thrust into her over and over again.

"Ah! Ah! Ganta-kun!" She cried, her nails digging into his back. Ganta paid this pain no mind, though. Being inside of Shiro felt too good. He called out Shiro's name as well, and leaned in, and the two kissed passionately even as Ganta moved in and out. After a little while, Ganta could feel mind numbing climax approaching…

"Shiro-chan… I'm going to cum…" Ganta said, making to pull out so he didn't release inside her.

"No, Ganta-kun… Shiro loves Ganta-kun and wants him to cum inside her…" She said throatily. That pushed him over the edge, and his whole world went white as he felt Shiro's walls contract on him, causing him to release along with her.

After this, both Ganta and Shiro were exhausted. They fell down on Ganta's bed, and kissed one more time before they fell asleep. In their last moments of wakefulness, Shiro didn't hear him, but Ganta whispered… "I love you, Shiro-chan…"

**The End**

A/N: Okay, let's see. My first Deadman's Wonderland fanfic. I've been writing a lot of fanfictions lately. This one isn't my best, probably, though it likely isn't my worst. I look forward to any reviews that people may have. Please be constructive. Flames are never appreciated.


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